Dust in the wind I guess

I wasn't sure if I wanted to write about this. I'm still not all that sure that I want to, but I'm going to attempt it and then possibly delete it later.

A friend of friends passed away on Sunday evening. It was a freak accident. Boys just playing in a river and then he was gone. This young man was not a good friend of mine, but he was a great friend to some of my very best friends. A very best friend of mine happened to be with this man when he died.

My heart hurts for so many different reasons. I hurt mostly for the family of this 21 year old man who was too young to go. I hurt for my friends who are in pain. I hurt for all the people who are so empathetic, that they will hear the story and know that it was not supposed to happen, he was too young, it wasn't fair, etc.

I found out about his death through facebook. We were not close enough that anyone would call me to let me know. Even after I saw it, I had to get in touch with my best friend and ask her what had happened to him. She had to reach out to someone else. Neither of us were close enough to him to know right away, yet for some reason, we have spoken each day of his passing. We are consumed by shock. We are held captive in our thoughts of "What if". What if it hadn't been him? What if it was us getting the call that one of our heart had passed in such a way? What if any of us had been there? How often do we all play around, rough house, think we're invincible?? It could have just as easily been anyone else.

Today, two days later, I started seeing things on facebook... "Massively massive celebration of life", etc. To our friends, this means drinking. It almost always means drinking. They wanted to have this "celebration of life" on the same river that their friend died 2 days ago. First and foremost, I feel this is tacky, though I don't know what's in their hearts. Second, my world is filled with worry for friends whom I love dearly and cannot fathom the grief that I would feel if they were gone, and I don't want them to go. I worry that the same thing will happen. I'm afraid that I won't ever feel carefree about my friends ever again. If this life was taken away so forcefully and abruptly, why wouldn't the lives of my friends be taken the same way? Why must they continue to make decisions that could take them away from me? Selfishly, I am mad.

I am mad that they wouldn't consider my life without them. I'm mad that they would be so tactless as to go to the place that we KNOW can take their lives without a second notice. IT JUST HAPPENED. I am pissed that their thoughts are not consumed by the consequences that might take place from their actions.

I was scared to write this entry because I feel like I'm taking something away from those who are hurting specifically from this bright, friendly, and genuinely nice boy. I am hurt for him, but differently. Again, shock mostly. Sad for the loss of the light he could have brought to the world, but I am more so sick with worry and sad that my world just got smaller. It is selfish to think of myself at this time. It's a lot of different words that boil down to inappropriate.

I hope that my friends will always know how much I love them. I hope they know how many times a day I think of them even when they aren't thinking of me. I want them to feel how full and happy my heart is when they are around, and what it would mean if they weren't.

Rest in Peace David Osborn. You were a gem of a guy. I am hoping that you keep our friends safe and in your heart.

I don't even have a title for this

This is my new favorite sentence:

"Pancakes will front like “I love you long time” but it is all a pack of lies."

This is from mimismartypants. She's hilarious. Head on over if you like laughing.

I don't really even have anything to say today. I just wanted to share that.

Excuse me while I continue reading about her superhero obbsessed, no BS, amazingly awesome asian daughter. And the Chicago Transit Authority.

This is going to be the post that I continuously edit because of funny things I want to remember.